September Roundup, ’17

Trying things a bit differently this month. Since I’m never, in all of the rest my life, going to be caught up with all current shows again… rather than posting all microreviews at the end of the month, I’ll update this post throughout the month, after the individual series premieres. “Why,” you might ask? “I don’t know, like… ’cause,” I’d reply.

Anyway, the really good shit is in bold.

Watch This Shit:

Meh (a.k.a. Watch This Shit, or Don’t):

  • Chandra Levy: An American Murder Mystery

    At three episodes, this isn’t a lot to commit to (which may be the only reason this isn’t in this month’s “Meh” list). And if you’re a true crime junkie, you might just love this. But it doesn’t offer a lot of new insight, other than the rantings of Condit‘s old driver who also claims to have been a very, very good friend. For me, though, it just reduced the untimely death of a woman to sadness about how much rich, cishet, white men can get away with.

  • The Deuce

    In a nutshell: 1970’s sex. It’s finding me during a moment of not finding sex fascinating, even when there are two James Francos and no matter how close HBO gets to actually showing a blowjob. So… meh.

  • Evil Things

    I don’t want to support the channel that brought us the Duggars, but… I love dumb, terrible, haunted shows like these! They’re such a guilty pleasure. All the actors being paid to play down-home folks all tell their “true” stories in the same monotone drawl, and the reenactors are just awful and it’s … so good! However comma… the reason it’s in “meh” is because the first episode deals with paranormal activity being caught on tape. But they never show the actual footage! What kind of fuckery is that? No bueno, producers.

Don’t Watch This Shit:

  • The Orville

    My problem with this series is pop culture. Someone making a reference to Papa Smurf is not a thing that would not happen three centuries from now. It’s akin to people speaking today’s English three centuries ago. That being said, however… I have an uncomfortable crush on Seth MacFarlane and Adrianne Palicki is the shit. So, I’m giving this Family Guy/Star Trek mashup a “Watch” for now.

    *Edit* Just watched episode 3. Massive swing, even bigger miss. Basic premise: “Being female is a birth defect that should be corrected. – Or should it? – It should.” lol, Remember when Papa Smurf was my biggest problem with this series? Do. Not. Fucking. Watch. It.

     

Coming Soon:

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National Treasure

To be honest, I had no intention of watching this show unless I knew that the guy would be found guilty. So, I watched the first episode, and then did some Googling. What I found, without an immense amount of spoilers, is that the man accused of multiple counts of rape was actually guilty. I didn’t mind finding out the ending in this case because it was the ending that this series should have.

However, comma…

This giant bag of bollocks (a.k.a. “television drama at its most accomplished” a.k.a. “insert most painful eyeroll ever eyerolled here”) comes with an innocence verdict along with flashbacks of the crimes that the dickface in question should have been convicted of.
Were this a series set 30 years in the future, when convictions of rape aren’t dramatic television fodder, and are treated as seriously as the crimes they fucking are (sidebar: shoutout to the final season of Broadchurch for doing it superbly), then this blog post would read much differently. But, given the climate we (and by “we” I mean “I, a gay American”) live in today, with an absolute scumbag of a president who won his position by not being held accountable for grabbing bitches by their fucking vaginas, this horseshit masked by good acting  is just that: Horse. Shit.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

P.S. Yes, I know that this shit aired in September. But you know that I am hella late on seriesez, in general! #dontjudgeher

P.P.S. Seeing what this series was based on, honestly, has made me sick to my stomach. I’m almost ashamed that I felt it was blog worthy. So, there. is. that.

P.P.P.S. An extra-sarcastic congrats to whichever Brits felt great about themselves for putting this shit on the air, post-Brexit.

The Decnuary Roundup (Dec ’16/Jan ’17)

I’m getting back on track. S. L. O. W. L. Y. (But I’m probably never going to be able to post about anything immediately after it airs until bitches pay me enough to quit my day job. Just sayin’.) So, here it go (real extra good shit that you need to watch in bold):

December

Watch this shit:

Meh

(a.k.a. Watch it or don’t, but either way it’s not the greatest ever):

  • Delicious

    Wasn’t terrible, but definitely didn’t hook me. If you’re into “narrated from beyond the grave”-type shit, that happens to be British and also includes food, then this is your bag.

  • Mariah’s World

    I mean… it is what it is. If you like reality shows about famous people being famous, here you go.

  • Terry Crews Saves Christmas

    Cute holiday fun. Even better if you wait to binge it until after the world explodes because dumb assholes couldn’t stand female e-mails.

  • The Wall

    Who wants to be aPLINKO!”

Guilty Pleasure:

  • The Deleted

    This utter nonsense is about horny kids who don’t own shirts and apparently escaped a cult because the milk they were served was drugs. And one of them might also be a psychotic robot. Need I say more?

January:

Watch this shit:

  • A Series of Unfortunate Events

    I was sort of prepared to not be interested in this show, but my husband was all about it, so we watched it together. I was won over, folks. It’s a real good time.

  • Beyond

    Just your average, wholesome, all-American “aliens are making shit float in the woods” coming-of-age-in-a-12-year-coma story. Definitely worth your time.

  • Caraoke Showdown

    Musical Cash Cab, hosted by the great Craig Robinson.

  • Emerald City

    Probably about as dark and realistic a take on Oz that we’ve seen.

  • Mary Kills People

    Essentially, it’s Dr. Mary Kevorkian. Not the greatest pilot ever, but Caroline Dhavernas is amazing and I trust her choices. So, I’ll keep watching.

  • The Mick

    Bad Teacher meets Uncle Buck. It has its moments. Three cheers for Carla Jimenez.

  • One Day at a Time

    Cuban family drama, love, and happiness. Seriously, such a good show.

  • Riverdale

    Other than it being based on the Archie comics, it’s not really any different from your typical high school drama. Except maybe the murder mystery? Not that it makes it a bad series, mind you. Just don’t expect anything ground breaking is all I’m saying.

  • Sneaky Pete

    Giovanni Ribisi‘s crazy Scientology-loving-dumbass is an ex-con/future re-con. Not mad at it, but it’s not my new favorite thing.

  • Spy in the Wild

    Fucking crazy-town first-person point of view of animals in their natural habitats. Some really amazing sights.

  • Throwing Shade

    If John Oliver is America’s dad and Samantha Bee is America’s mom, then Bryan Safi and Erin Gibson are attempting to be America’s gay uncle and sassy aunt, respectively.

Meh

(a.k.a. You fuckin’ get it, this shit probably sucks):

  • Big Fan

    “Big fans” have a trivia face-off against celebrities about those celebrities. Unless you’re as big a fan of the celebrity as their stalkers are, the show really won’t mean that much to you.

  • Hunted

    Truly meh. I tried watching the original UK version before this series, and it got boring real quick. This US version explains just a bit more of how they find these voluntary “fugitives,” but that doesn’t really make it any more interesting.