February Roundup, 2017

Howdy, folks. Here’s the new series from last month that sounded interesting enough to watch. As always, the actually really interesting stuff is in bold.

Watch this shit:

  • Big Little Lies

    Almost put this in “meh,” to be honest. There’s some great talent attached, but it’s a little odd. It’s basically mostly wealthy parents of 1st graders dealing with being parents of 1st graders. And also a murder. But I’m not exactly sure who the hell was murdered. It’d be one thing for the mystery to be who the killer is, but to not know who died or if you’re supposed to feel sorry for them… sorry, I’m not seeing the intrigue there.

  • Crashing

    A Jesus freak comedian’s comedians show. Plus a lot of woe is me. I’m a bit turned off by the fact that Lauren Lapkus isn’t supposed to be likable in this, because I love the crap out of her.

  • Doubt

    Court room drama featuring Laverne Mo’fuckin’ Cox as a badass series regular. Also featuring Katherine Heigl a bit more than she should be featured. Honestly, the show is much more interesting when it’s not about her. Dreama Walker saves the day, though.EDIT: When getting the link for the series, I found out that the show had been cancelled after airing just two episodes.Which made me chuckle at first, but then I realized Trump supporters would probably use it as an example of why trans people shouldn’t be hired for leading roles (that is, if they gave enough of a shit about Doubt to complain, but apparently no one watched it so it won’t matter much). In reality, though, the problem is Katherine goddamned Heigl. STOP GIVING HER LEADING ROLES. It has never and will never work out. Gurl, bye.

  • Imposters

    Definitely tries to be a lot funnier than the show was marketed as, which is a little disappointing, to be honest. I was expecting more of a con artist thriller than a buddy cop comedy. But I’ll keep watching because I can’t be mad at my future second husband, Parker Young.

  • Legion

    X-Men, Interrupted. From the genius behind the Fargo series. So. Worth. Your. Time.

  • Madiba

    If historical biographies are your thing, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anything more interesting (and timely) than one based on Nelson Mandela.

  • Powerless

    Superheroes meets Bryan Fullerstyle cuteness. If you’re liking The Good Place, you’ll probably enjoy this.

  • Santa Clarita Diet

    Quirky zombie goodness. Could probably use a different director, but finds a great stride about halfway through the pilot.

  • Superior Donuts

    With Katey Sagal and Judd Hirsch, you’ve got some powerful sitcom vets. Add to that some social commentary and munchies jokes and you’ve got yourself a pretty good series.

  • When We Rise

    Gay liberation amazingness. Fucking beautiful and heartwarming and gut-wrenching and inspiring and revolutionary and goddamn perfect.

Don’t watch this shit:

  • APB

    Ugh. Police officers are women of color. But they can only get the job done when a rich white dude comes into play? No, thank you. Even with the goodness that is Justin Kirk.

  • Bellevue

    Anna Paquin‘s a drunk mess. But also a cop. And she laughs real maniacally, while almost-fucking junkies in need of anger management. Because drama? Again… no, thank you. Though, there is an apparently trans person. But still… no, thank you. Including a much-needed minority character does not make your story interesting enough to be told. No matter how mother fucking needed that minority character is in today’s film climate. (EDIT: Hello again, Doubt.)

The Decnuary Roundup (Dec ’16/Jan ’17)

I’m getting back on track. S. L. O. W. L. Y. (But I’m probably never going to be able to post about anything immediately after it airs until bitches pay me enough to quit my day job. Just sayin’.) So, here it go (real extra good shit that you need to watch in bold):


Watch this shit:


(a.k.a. Watch it or don’t, but either way it’s not the greatest ever):

  • Delicious

    Wasn’t terrible, but definitely didn’t hook me. If you’re into “narrated from beyond the grave”-type shit, that happens to be British and also includes food, then this is your bag.

  • Mariah’s World

    I mean… it is what it is. If you like reality shows about famous people being famous, here you go.

  • Terry Crews Saves Christmas

    Cute holiday fun. Even better if you wait to binge it until after the world explodes because dumb assholes couldn’t stand female e-mails.

  • The Wall

    Who wants to be aPLINKO!”

Guilty Pleasure:

  • The Deleted

    This utter nonsense is about horny kids who don’t own shirts and apparently escaped a cult because the milk they were served was drugs. And one of them might also be a psychotic robot. Need I say more?


Watch this shit:

  • A Series of Unfortunate Events

    I was sort of prepared to not be interested in this show, but my husband was all about it, so we watched it together. I was won over, folks. It’s a real good time.

  • Beyond

    Just your average, wholesome, all-American “aliens are making shit float in the woods” coming-of-age-in-a-12-year-coma story. Definitely worth your time.

  • Caraoke Showdown

    Musical Cash Cab, hosted by the great Craig Robinson.

  • Emerald City

    Probably about as dark and realistic a take on Oz that we’ve seen.

  • Mary Kills People

    Essentially, it’s Dr. Mary Kevorkian. Not the greatest pilot ever, but Caroline Dhavernas is amazing and I trust her choices. So, I’ll keep watching.

  • The Mick

    Bad Teacher meets Uncle Buck. It has its moments. Three cheers for Carla Jimenez.

  • One Day at a Time

    Cuban family drama, love, and happiness. Seriously, such a good show.

  • Riverdale

    Other than it being based on the Archie comics, it’s not really any different from your typical high school drama. Except maybe the murder mystery? Not that it makes it a bad series, mind you. Just don’t expect anything ground breaking is all I’m saying.

  • Sneaky Pete

    Giovanni Ribisi‘s crazy Scientology-loving-dumbass is an ex-con/future re-con. Not mad at it, but it’s not my new favorite thing.

  • Spy in the Wild

    Fucking crazy-town first-person point of view of animals in their natural habitats. Some really amazing sights.

  • Throwing Shade

    If John Oliver is America’s dad and Samantha Bee is America’s mom, then Bryan Safi and Erin Gibson are attempting to be America’s gay uncle and sassy aunt, respectively.


(a.k.a. You fuckin’ get it, this shit probably sucks):

  • Big Fan

    “Big fans” have a trivia face-off against celebrities about those celebrities. Unless you’re as big a fan of the celebrity as their stalkers are, the show really won’t mean that much to you.

  • Hunted

    Truly meh. I tried watching the original UK version before this series, and it got boring real quick. This US version explains just a bit more of how they find these voluntary “fugitives,” but that doesn’t really make it any more interesting.

October Roundup

Some more new shiz of this season, in short:

The things worth your time (especially in bold):

The things that may or may not be worth your time, a.k.a. Meh:

The things not worth your time:

Old shit, no longer worth your time:

Okay, so, Eyewitness: The shit is good. Maybe even great. The thing about it is, though, that I’ve seen the original 6-episode Swedish series this it’s based on, which I loved. So, of course my brain is constantly comparing the two as I watch this Americanized iteration. It’s written by the creator of Shades of Blue, which I really didn’t love so that may not be much of a selling point, but what I mean to say is: it’s completely written by him. Adi Hasak sat down and fleshed out a complete, expanded 10-episode story which will have a conclusion. And the series itself was sold to USA as an anthology, so if there is a second season, it’ll be completely new. With all the hoopla these past few years with the seemingly endless cliffhangers and plot holes and unfinished stories, a proper ending is a magical thing to have and should be savored every time that comes around.

Not to mention: at the center of the small-town-murder-mystery story is a gay teenage romance that’s actually fucking respectful, doesn’t shy away from the sex real-life teenagers actually have, and doesn’t treat it like it’s something to be frowned upon while simultaneously accurately portraying the emotional struggle that comes with actually being a teenager accepting their sexuality. ACTUALLY.

The shit is good, I tell you. Just… a skosh less good than the original. Which, if I’m being honest, is probably the only reason it’s not bold in the list above. But you should watch it. Now. Go. Bye.

Braindead Olympics

No, this is not a post about Ryan Lochte’s dumb ass. This is about a little ol’ TV junkie with a full time job and general shit to do. So, when the Olympic games roll around, and new episodes of series stop airing for a couple weeks, it gives plenty of time for said junkie to catch up on the shows he’s missed. Because, let’s keep it real… the Olympics are for ogling attractive people, which makes national fucking news coverage anyway, so you’re not gonna miss anything important if you don’t watch any of it.

It also works well as a distraction from all the presidential election fuckery that may be going on. Seeing as how it’s the Drumpf show, it’s a very welcome distraction. Unfortunately, though, he may be why not a whole lot of people have been watching Braindead, CBS’ scifi political dramedy. It could also be that eye-roll inducing genre. But, folks, I’m here to tell you: this show is good. Really good. Good enough for you to watch. And you should. So do it. Please and thank you.

To sum it up extremely simply, so as not to thoroughly spoil, the explanation for Donald Trump lies in this series. You see, alien (though they don’t prefer the term) bugs have been crawling into unlucky birches’ ears, eating halves of their brains, and subsequently taking over most of the other halves in the process. What results is a straight-laced, easily angered, oligarchy-aspiring, “You Might Think“-obsessed person trying to take shit over. Or, if you’re one of the lucky few, you’ll be a self-aware, horny and dancing booze hound trying to get the bugs out before they do any real damage.

And it’s funny! And creepy! Laughs and goosebumps abound. And, on a somewhat-serious note, at the heart of the story are two people, from opposite ends of the political spectrum, working together to fix shit. If that’s not exactly what this mess of a country needs right now, I don’t know what is.

So, I’ll leave it at that. What the world needs now… are bugs, sweet bugs.

(Just kidding, it needs Hillary. Because I’m not a selfish asshole who doesn’t give a shit about minorities or a ridiculous child with delusions of grandeur chock-full of false conviction and ego.)

(Sorry, I know I just talked about us all needing to work together.)

(But, for real, some people are just such assholes.)

Fuck Supergirl.

I was going to write a really late post about how good Ash vs. Evil Dead is, but I have to talk about Jessica Jones instead.

I’ve never been a comics guy. My foray into that world is a result of Buffy Season Eight, Angel: After the Fall, and the current iterations of the two. The success of those series continuations led to Charmed: Season 9 and The X-Files Season 10, both of which I tried really hard to get into, but the massive amount of daily television nonsense I watch eats up all of my reading time. I explain all of this just to say: I’d never even heard of Jessica Jones before Netflix said “We’re gonna make her into a series with Marvel and them.” As I’m sure it’s well known by now, Jessica Jones is the second in a string of five Marvel series Netflix is producing, the first of which was Daredevil. Now, I had seen Ben Affleck do his thing when it was on HBO (back when I lived off my Mom’s cable) and I wasn’t mad at it, so watching the series seemed like the thing to do mostly because of that, but also because of Deborah Ann Woll (if you’ve read my previous posts, you’ve probably picked up on my thing for chicks with power), and especially because of Drew Goddard (the writer of most of my favorite Buffy episodes) who created the series and was going to be the showrunner, but stepped down and was replaced by Steven S. DeKnight who happens to be another Buffy alum. So, seriously, all corners of my globe were directing me to Daredevil. And I’m not mad at my globe’s corners for doing so because I fucking loved Daredevil. If that weren’t reason enough (it was) to watch Jessica Jones, then the bitch in apartment 23 (arguably, one of the best sitcoms ever) was going to do the trick. After the casting announcement was made, it was just a waiting game for the premiere. In the interim came Supergirl.

Sigh. Fuckin’ Supergirl. The series based on the SNL skit making fun of what a female superhero story would be.

I suppose it’s meant for girls. Girl girls. Young pre-teens who need a “good girl” to look up to. Though, why CBS thinks they’re suddenly catering to pre-teens is beyond me. The thing that really gets to me about Supergirl, though, is that it doesn’t actually give a shit about women. Every shot of Calista Flockhart has a ridiculous blurry filter over it, because God forbid a women look her age. And every time Supergirl herself speaks, it’s only to say that she is real extra not Superman, as if standing on her own isn’t possible without making it clear that she’ll never actually be alone because there’s that manly man in her life. (Note: I gave it a more-than-fair chance. Three episodes worth of a fair chance, to be exact, and there was something to be annoyed at in every single one.)

So, there was that piece of garbage making me that much more excited for Jessica Jones. Based on the trailer, is she a proper role model for young girls? She doesn’t give a fuck about what the S on her chest looks like, so I guess not.

But she does tell it like it is, at least.


At this point, the universe had screamed at me enough. I definitely got the hint. But if I’m keeping it really real… this comment sent me over the edge. A chick with power who can kick your entire ass and not give a shit about it… the fact that this was a show I could not not watch was officially cemented. Which brings us to today. Sadly, a day after its release. I, being the perfect, wonderful, amazing husband that I am, had to wait for my husband to be ready to watch it which meant the binge party had to wait.

Being only one episode in, I can surmise that… I am Jessica Jones. By which I mean I can relate to that chick on an epic scale. I can’t fly and I can’t pick up cars, but I sure do understand needing to pass out in order to sleep. Staying away from people so as to not get hurt by them? Me. Using mantras to calm an anxiety attack? All too familiar with that shit. A killer head of thick-ass black hair? Ask my flatiron, gurl.

Jessica is not a bad person, she just doesn’t know it. Her sister (or ex-lover, or college roommate, or clingy ex co-worker… not super clear who she is yet), on the other hand, sees every good side of her that she’s unable or, really, unwilling to. In fact, when she does let it happen, when she lets the smile that crawls onto her face from deep within crack even the slightest bit… things inevitably fall apart. Once upon a time, mystery blonde convinced Jessica to use her super strength for good and, though we’re not given specifics yet, it’s pretty clear that it didn’t end well.  Her particular PTSD-worthy trauma is unique in that the person who’s hurt her the most is her. Or, more specifically, the person who hurt her the most did so through her. If you haven’t watched it yet and you have no idea what I mean, allow me to thoroughly spoil with my normal brand of nonsense:

Dr. Who‘s purple now and he controls bitches with his mind, Vampire Diaries compulsion-style. If he says “Don’t move,” expect to eventually piss the bed you happen to be lying in when he said it. If he says “Kill some bitches” and hands you a gun, expect your trigger finger to go wild.

Maybe you’re on episode 13 by now, but I’m not, so I still don’t know exactly what he made Jessica do, but if it’s at all clear from the state of her life and her immediate desire to fly to Hong Kong at the thought of him possibly being back in her life…. it couldn’t have been a whirligig of fun.

And that, my friends, is pretty much the gist of the show. She looks good in black, rocks the hell out of a big, gray scarf, makes her money investigating cases that her psuedo-boss (adulterous, lesbian Trinity) throws her way, she regrets using people for anxiety relieving sex (especially when they’re hot bar-backs whom she knows has a main chick that isn’t her), and then there’s her admittedly slightly inappropriate stalking (that we’ll go ahead and call “investigating”). It’s all coping mechanisms. It’s her trying to get to tomorrow while suffering through her yesterdays. The turning point comes at the end of the episode when, as her assumed track record would have you come to expect, the good she thought she did turned very, very bad. At the metaphoric fork, she chooses the road less traveled and decides to fight back. Rather than add another failed yesterday, she’s gonna calm her damaged mind by listing the streets she grew up on and she’s gonna do it as she fucks up that purple dude so she can sleep into tomorrow. She’s gonna do the damn thing and I defy any viewer to be mad at it.

Any viewer except my husband, of course, who has terrible taste and decided he doesn’t want to watch episode two. What’s great about that is: I don’t have to wait to binge the shit out of the rest of the episodes, so there just might be a “MY MIND IS BLOWN” post about the rest of the series in a couple days. Until then, to sum up:

Fuck Supergirl.