As of this writing, I have made it all the way through my DVR to February 27th. I think it’s time to face the facts. This is officially a pilot microreview (…’s a word, yes? No? Did I just invent it? ™, bitches.) blog. For I will never, ever catch up. With that in mind:
Watch this shit:
- The Defenders
If you’re not aware, Defenders is the culmination of four separate Marvel/Netflix series that all exist in the MCU. To say the least, they vary in goodness (as in… one of the four kinda sucked). And, seriously, from the very first shot, Defenders was already better than Iron Fist. Not a difficult feat, granted…
What is difficult is seamlessly merging four very different shows into one. The first of its kind, if I’m remembering correctly. If every AHS season eventually does connect, that’ll be Ryan Murphy‘s attempt at replicating this, but I don’t foresee anything similar happening any time soo- …. I just remembered the dumb week-long crossovers they did for all those damn CW shows this past season. So, there was that. (Sidebar: eyeroll at that bullshit Flash/Supergirl musical. Once More, with Feeling or bust.)
Incorrect tangents aside: they do an okay job at keeping the feel of each individual series in the first Defenders episode. I was hoping for a bit more pace, but we’re left without the core four actually hooking up with each other. We do get a dying Sigourney Weaver apparently initiating the demise of New York City via earthquake, though. And Jessica Jones‘ outgoing answering machine message. (“Wrong. Number.”) Which, honestly, is reason enough to watch the entire series. And everything Krysten Ritter has ever done, ever.
- The Guest Book
Abed (’cause I literally can’t think of him as any other character) is a horny husband and father, married to Lauren Lapkus who’s an exhausted wife and mother who understandably isn’t trying to fuck. But then the cabin saves them by being a cabin! And that’s all I’d say about this series, if that’s what it was about. This little mini-review would be sitting below in the “Meh” category and that would be that. However comma… *twist* It’s an anthology series! And every episode is completely different, featuring a new story about new people staying in the aforementioned cabin of curativeness!
- The Sinner
It means something when Jessica Biel stabs a man to death during family day at the beach, bur her husband is still more unlikable. Not sure if that means Jessica Biel is an amazing actress or if Christopher Abbott is the fucking worst.
- Weekend Update
SNL cashing in on the success of their last season which, honestly, they absolutely deserve to. If you’re itching for a Jost/Che fix, chock full of cameos, then Lorne Michaels is your new best good friend.
- The Tick
Marlon Wayans (easily the most annoying Wayans, hence: “meh”) is being raised by his ex-wife. As are their two kids. He’s also a YouTube pranker. (It’s as if the producers asked “How do we make an annoying person more annoying?”)
- Mr. Mercedes
A 20-something kid destined for incest-induced matricide put on a clown mask and killed a bunch of folks who were trying to get jobs (Thanks, Donald!). Actually, the killer klown may not have been the kid in question. But, honestly… I mean, come on, his mother licked his teeth. He’s definitely killing something or other at some point. Anyway, this show is actually less about him and more about the retired cop who can’t let go of the unsolved employment-seeker murders. He’s foreign and his neighbor wants to fuck the shit out of him, as does his favorite waitress at his brunch hot spot. ‘Cause, in case you’re unaware: when you’re old, overweight, hairy, male, and generally un-Statue-of-David-esque: you’re still fuckable (Thanks, Stephen King!).
- The Lowe Files
If rich folks bro-ing out and hunting ghosts is your thing, then you’ll love Rob Lowe & Less Attractive Sons.
And that’s all, folks! Nothing too terrible this month. Live long and watch. And donate to Harvey relief. And don’t listen to Republicans when they blame homosexuality. Peace.