Welp, I’ve officially gotten to February, y’all! “Two months behind” seems to be my permanent DVR status (though, it’ll probably turn into three). But, just for you, I made sure once again to watch all the premieres I could. My short takes on each are below.
Watch this shit:
- American Gods
It feels so incredibly good to have Bryan Fuller back on television. There’s simply nothing else like his shit. Period. I can’t really tell you much about the plot, other than there’s an ex-con trying to get to his wife’s funeral, and a bunch of superhuman people (Gods, maybe?) revolving around him. He may or may not have become a God himself after beating up a leprechaun version of Pornstache. Also, a vagina straight up ate a dude. An entire person. Dentata realness, folks. If that ain’t worth watching, I don’t know what is.
A baseball announcer wading through the aftermath of his entire shitshow of a life becoming public knowledge (by him and his own drunken rant, mid-game). The twist: his unraveling was one of the world’s first viral videos and then made even more famous by a Drake lyric (sidebar: fuck Drake) turning our dear announcer into a household name. So, naturally he’s parlayed his “success” into a permanent announcing gig that comes with a stocked liquor cabinet. Plus, it’s Hank Azaria. The only thing better than him being able to act in voice is when he does it with his shirt off. And it’s on cable, so his nipples are bound to pop out. Also, Amanda Peet and Katie Finneran. They’re worth mentioning because they’re both amazing.
- Dear White People
When the trailer for this series premiered, white folks went nuts. I remember lots of comments along the lines of “But if we tried to make a series called ‘Dear Black People,’ we’d be racist.” Oh, we would, would we? A series centering on a black woman with knowledge of race relations is not racism. However, white folks reacting to the series with hate and negativity (before ever watching it) because its told from a perspective that’s not theirs… is.
The real genius, and the reason this amazingness went to series without Netflix batting an eyelash, is because it’s actually about that backlash. The series responds to every bit of inevitable reactionary nonsense in its first 10 minutes.
P.S.: The world NEEDS Defamation to be a real thing.
- Dimension 404
Robert Buckley is so fucking cuuuute. Ugh. I can’t handle how attracted to him I am. Which is kind of a shame since he’s only in the first episode. (But whatever, I watch iZombie [’cause I’m a 13-year-old girl like that] which he stars in.) Anyway, he’s only in this one episode because this sucker’s one of them nifty anthology series that are all the rage these days. Think: Twilight Zone that doesn’t take itself so seriously. Or a poor man’s Black Mirror. It’s good, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not bringing anything terribly unique to the table, other than a bit more comedy than its predecessors.
- First Dates
Y’all… I was not prepared for how obsessed with this show I’d be. You are the fly on the wall of a restaurant in which real folks are going on very real blind dates with each other. That may sound lame to you (because it definitely did to me), but it is so worth a watch. Plus, Drew Barrymore narrates and I love me some her.
This miniseries is a dramatization of real life events that took place in 1970s London. It shows the inner-workings and interpersonality of prominent figures in the black power movement. An apt story for the world we find ourselves living in today, along with:
- The Handmaid’s Tale
This shit is in–mother–fucking–tense. In a nutshell: A not too distant future that’s a Republican’s wet dream (which, today, they’ll pretend they don’t want, but actively, constantly try to get). #mynameisjune
- Soundtracks: Songs That Defined History
A poignant look at history told from first-hand accounts and archival footage, with music at the heart. Drs. King and Simone feature prominently in the first episode, detailing the American civil rights movement.
- Talk Show the Game Show
Pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Three celebs compete against each other to see which one is the best talk show guest. And once again: Tiffany Haddish is everything.
- Talking with Chris Hardwick
Here’s the ONLY reason this almost ended up in the “Meh” category: It’s essentially Talking Dead/Bad/Saul/et al. minus Dead/Bad/Saul/et al. So, if you’ve never watched any of the iterations, the cutie pie that is Chris Hardwick talking to folks and having lots of laughs may not be your cup of tea. I, myself, would happily swim in that tea until my fingers got all pruney. I’ve been secretly in love with Mr. Hardwick since he had his incredibly 90s long hair on Singled Out, back when my only goal in life was to somehow end up on MTV because, really, what else was there to dream about? Anyway, if you hate watching bitches talking to each other about themselves and/or the entertainment industry, this ain’t for you. A pretty big deal breaker will also be if you actually are or aren’t a fan of whoever Chris’ guest is.
Don’t watch this shit:
- Fire Island
If you LOVE reality shows about generic-ass people (with ridiculous bodies and a penchant for alcohol and drama) living in a dream house you wish you had the chance to even stand near, let alone live in… then this one’s for you. I mean, look: It’s cute and all that a single letter in the LGBTQ2 initialism gets another reality show dedicated all to themselves, but it doesn’t make reality television any more interesting. The most possibly compelling thing that could happen between sexy gay men weekending on Fire Island for an entire summer is if some of them aren’t feeling particularly horny one day and wish everyone would just keep their clothes on. I’ll pass.
The coming of age story of a girl who is deliberately an asshole for no other reason than because she’s sure there will be a definitive reason (that she believes she’ll one day discover) why she’s supposed to be an asshole. She’s mad for the sake of being mad, she’s rude for the sake of being rude, and she finds her reflection in any mirror fucking outstanding. This show is based on a book (which is based on a life), the title of which is a god damn hashtag. Even with Jim Rash and RuPaul cameos, this one’s a hard pass.
“I caught up on all my shows and my entire life is fully manageable now!” …He said on April 1st. Y’all, I still got shit from January waiting for me to watch it. But, as always, I made sure to check out all the premieres of the month that sounded good enough to watch and the run-down of said premieres are below.
Watch this shit:
- The Comedy Jam
- I am so incredibly about this, that it’s ridiculous. Especially considering the fact that I fucking can’t stand it when a comedian just whips out a guitar in the middle of a show. But they do that shit right over at The Comedy Jam. Demetri Martin can suck it. Tiffany Haddish for the win.
- I’m not sure how to feel about this one, honestly. It’s not poorly made. And I’m all for women power. And the decriminalization of sex workers. But the women vs. women angle of the series is throwing me off. Worth a watch, though.
- Iron Fist
- Apparently (from what I’ve seen online) this show gets real silly and the fight scenes are a mess, but just based on the first episode… I’m not super mad at it. It’s definitely not at the top of the great Marvel shows list, but it’s at about the same caliber you’d expect.
- Making History
- Good shit. Funny, interesting, and intriguing good shit. Professor’s got a time machine which he uses to visit his girlfriend in way-back-in-the-day-Boston. He pulls a co-worker into the mix and wackiness ensues.
- Wiley British boxing/heist fun. Plus sexy-ass shirtless tattooed men with accents. What more could you want? (I’ll be honest, I haven’t seen the original movie. But now that I’ve seen this pilot, I want to.)
- Imaginary Mary
- I was fully prepared to hate this show. Crazy Scientology actress + ridiculous concept = no thank you. What literally ALL of the series previews fail to show you is that the dude whom Scientology freak falls for and his three kids are the real stars of the show. And Rachel Dratch, of course. Kinda sucks that she’s never gonna get to actually interact with the other great parts of the show (since she voices an imaginary friend that only Dharma can see). Still ends up in “Meh” rather than “Don’t watch,” though. So, not a hard pass.
- Kicking & Screaming
- I’m on the fence with this one. A bit more on the “don’t watch” side, if I’m being honest. A wildlife competition show featuring people who know what the fuck they’re doing teamed up with people who have absolutely no idea what in the hell they’re doing. There’s always a risk in designing a show around annoying people (i.e. no one wanting to watch annoying people). It works for the Kardashians, though, so who knows. (Not that I watch that fucking mess, mind you.)
- Trial & Error
- Another one I’m a little more on the “watch this” side of the fence about. Mockumentary, in the vein of The Office and Parks & Rec, that tries way harder than its predecessors which makes it lose a little bit of the magic. Props for making sexuality being fluid about literal fluids, though. Also #brothercousin.
Don’t watch this shit:
- Shots Fired
- Note to creatives and, especially, network execs: You don’t need to switch up the facts to be edgy. Were this show about a white cop shooting an unarmed black teenager to death, it might be true to the life and times we all live in today. The cop being black and the unarmed teenager being white makes this police propaganda. And it means a whole hell of a lot that when we get this story told, it doesn’t look like the real life stories we witness.
Howdy, folks. Here’s the new series from last month that sounded interesting enough to watch. As always, the actually really interesting stuff is in bold.
Watch this shit:
- Big Little Lies
- Almost put this in “meh,” to be honest. There’s some great talent attached, but it’s a little odd. It’s basically mostly wealthy parents of 1st graders dealing with being parents of 1st graders. And also a murder. But I’m not exactly sure who the hell was murdered. It’d be one thing for the mystery to be who the killer is, but to not know who died or if you’re supposed to feel sorry for them… sorry, I’m not seeing the intrigue there.
- A Jesus freak comedian’s comedians show. Plus a lot of woe is me. I’m a bit turned off by the fact that Lauren Lapkus isn’t supposed to be likable in this, because I love the crap out of her.
- Court room drama featuring Laverne Mo’fuckin’ Cox as a badass series regular. Also featuring Katherine Heigl a bit more than she should be featured. Honestly, the show is much more interesting when it’s not about her. Dreama Walker saves the day, though.EDIT: When getting the link for the series, I found out that the show had been cancelled after airing just two episodes.Which made me chuckle at first, but then I realized Trump supporters would probably use it as an example of why trans people shouldn’t be hired for leading roles (that is, if they gave enough of a shit about Doubt to complain, but apparently no one watched it so it won’t matter much). In reality, though, the problem is Katherine goddamned Heigl. STOP GIVING HER LEADING ROLES. It has never and will never work out. Gurl, bye.
- Definitely tries to be a lot funnier than the show was marketed as, which is a little disappointing, to be honest. I was expecting more of a con artist thriller than a buddy cop comedy. But I’ll keep watching because I can’t be mad at my future second husband, Parker Young.
- If historical biographies are your thing, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anything more interesting (and timely) than one based on Nelson Mandela.
- Santa Clarita Diet
- Quirky zombie goodness. Could probably use a different director, but finds a great stride about halfway through the pilot.
- Superior Donuts
- With Katey Sagal and Judd Hirsch, you’ve got some powerful sitcom vets. Add to that some social commentary and munchies jokes and you’ve got yourself a pretty good series.
- When We Rise
- Gay liberation amazingness. Fucking beautiful and heartwarming and gut-wrenching and inspiring and revolutionary and goddamn perfect.
Don’t watch this shit:
- Ugh. Police officers are women of color. But they can only get the job done when a rich white dude comes into play? No, thank you. Even with the goodness that is Justin Kirk.
- Anna Paquin‘s a drunk mess. But also a cop. And she laughs real maniacally, while almost-fucking junkies in need of anger management. Because drama? Again… no, thank you. Though, there is an apparently trans person. But still… no, thank you. Including a much-needed minority character does not make your story interesting enough to be told. No matter how mother fucking needed that minority character is in today’s film climate. (EDIT: Hello again, Doubt.)
I’m getting back on track. S. L. O. W. L. Y. (But I’m probably never going to be able to post about anything immediately after it airs until bitches pay me enough to quit my day job. Just sayin’.) So, here it go (real extra good shit that you need to watch in bold):
Watch this shit:
(a.k.a. Watch it or don’t, but either way it’s not the greatest ever):
- Wasn’t terrible, but definitely didn’t hook me. If you’re into “narrated from beyond the grave”-type shit, that happens to be British and also includes food, then this is your bag.
- Mariah’s World
- I mean… it is what it is. If you like reality shows about famous people being famous, here you go.
- Terry Crews Saves Christmas
- Cute holiday fun. Even better if you wait to binge it until after the world explodes because dumb assholes couldn’t stand female e-mails.
- The Wall
- The Deleted
- This utter nonsense is about horny kids who don’t own shirts and apparently escaped a cult because the milk they were served was drugs. And one of them might also be a psychotic robot. Need I say more?
Watch this shit:
- A Series of Unfortunate Events
- I was sort of prepared to not be interested in this show, but my husband was all about it, so we watched it together. I was won over, folks. It’s a real good time.
- Just your average, wholesome, all-American “aliens are making shit float in the woods” coming-of-age-in-a-12-year-coma story. Definitely worth your time.
- Caraoke Showdown
- Emerald City
- Probably about as dark and realistic a take on Oz that we’ve seen.
- Mary Kills People
- Essentially, it’s Dr. Mary Kevorkian. Not the greatest pilot ever, but Caroline Dhavernas is amazing and I trust her choices. So, I’ll keep watching.
- The Mick
- One Day at a Time
- Cuban family drama, love, and happiness. Seriously, such a good show.
- Other than it being based on the Archie comics, it’s not really any different from your typical high school drama. Except maybe the murder mystery? Not that it makes it a bad series, mind you. Just don’t expect anything ground breaking is all I’m saying.
- Sneaky Pete
- Giovanni Ribisi‘s crazy Scientology-loving-dumbass is an ex-con/future re-con. Not mad at it, but it’s not my new favorite thing.
- Spy in the Wild
- Fucking crazy-town first-person point of view of animals in their natural habitats. Some really amazing sights.
- Throwing Shade
(a.k.a. You fuckin’ get it, this shit probably sucks):
- Big Fan
- “Big fans” have a trivia face-off against celebrities about those celebrities. Unless you’re as big a fan of the celebrity as their stalkers are, the show really won’t mean that much to you.
- Truly meh. I tried watching the original UK version before this series, and it got boring real quick. This US version explains just a bit more of how they find these voluntary “fugitives,” but that doesn’t really make it any more interesting.
Some more new shiz of this season, in short:
The things worth your time (especially in bold):
The things that may or may not be worth your time, a.k.a. Meh:
The things not worth your time:
Old shit, no longer worth your time:
Okay, so, Eyewitness: The shit is good. Maybe even great. The thing about it is, though, that I’ve seen the original 6-episode Swedish series this it’s based on, which I loved. So, of course my brain is constantly comparing the two as I watch this Americanized iteration. It’s written by the creator of Shades of Blue, which I really didn’t love so that may not be much of a selling point, but what I mean to say is: it’s completely written by him. Adi Hasak sat down and fleshed out a complete, expanded 10-episode story which will have a conclusion. And the series itself was sold to USA as an anthology, so if there is a second season, it’ll be completely new. With all the hoopla these past few years with the seemingly endless cliffhangers and plot holes and unfinished stories, a proper ending is a magical thing to have and should be savored every time that comes around.
Not to mention: at the center of the small-town-murder-mystery story is a gay teenage romance that’s actually fucking respectful, doesn’t shy away from the sex real-life teenagers actually have, and doesn’t treat it like it’s something to be frowned upon while simultaneously accurately portraying the emotional struggle that comes with actually being a teenager accepting their sexuality. ACTUALLY.
The shit is good, I tell you. Just… a skosh less good than the original. Which, if I’m being honest, is probably the only reason it’s not bold in the list above. But you should watch it. Now. Go. Bye.