What did I do before Phe Phe?

I am by no means a Real Housewives fan. You might come to The “Q” TV Review and expect every post to be about some show on Bravo, but this is just not that place and I am just not that guy. Even though I was fully aware that the Hotwives series was a completely insulting parody of the Housewives franchise, I still stayed away from it. That’s how much distance I wanted between myself and Don’t Be Tardy & Co.

The day did come, though, when I happened to stumble upon a list of the stars of the series. Casey Wilson and Tymberlee Hill, who both impressed me on Marry Me, Andrea Savage on Episodes, Angela Kinsey on The Office, Kristen Schaal on everything she’s ever done ever… I thought it was worth a watch. One hearty binge later and I suddenly couldn’t remember what my life was like pre-Phe Phe.

Phenomenon “Phe Phe” Reed, Esq. is, yes, a lawyer, but she does not let that define her. You see, she is also a cake designer, a Zumba instructor, a foot model, a Certified Public Accountant, an aspiring taxidermist, and an ordained minister. Phe Phe’s the kind of chick who needs it turnt up when someone is in labor because a party needs to be a party, after all. And Phe Phe gotsta be Phe Phe.

If I had to sum her up in a single sentence, if I absolutely I needed to whittle down all of Phe Phedom to a single example… it would be her reasoning for choosing who she did in a friendly game of Fuck/Marry/Kill:

“See, it’s one of those situations where you are so disgusted by another human being that you want to fuck them until they die, you know?”

“What’s [my] obsession with Phe Phe,” you ask? She’s just Phe Phe, gurl. Phe Phe is everything and more, and not just because of all the job titles she holds. The Hotwives series has poked fun at Orlando in season one and Las Vegas in season two, each with all new characters played by the same actresses. Except for Tymberlee Hill with her portrayal of Phe Phe (and Kristen Schaal with her portrayal of Amanda Simmons, the drug addled former child star, who only appears in one [if I’m remembering correctly] episode of season two, but that’s beside the point which is…) because Phe Phe is, without question, irreplaceable. Hotwives without Phe Phe is life without air. She doesn’t have the greatest taste in men, but she does have a sharp tongue. She’s the best friend you wish you had while simultaneously being the best friend you wish you were. She will cut a bitch up when need be, but she’s funny when she does it, so even when you are said bitch… you’re not mad at her for it. Even if she does tell you to “calm down.” Or if she straight up dares to sit in your chair. (She always will, by the way.) You’ll not only let her, because she’s Phe Phe, but you’ll allow her doing so to turn into a festering inner-turmoil that results in you creating a “chair room” for your house, full of countless seats just for you to sit on.

Yeah. Think about that for a second. Let it sink in. Imagine the kind of person who would turn you into someone with a literal sitting room. Whether you like it or not, you want to know her. And I highly suggest that you do. Both seasons of Hotwives are on Hulu. Do it and do it now. You’re welcome.

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